What Did You Learn Today?

     When my sons were  little kids at home ( seems like another lifetime now), we tried hard to have dinner together in the otherwise busy day when we were rushing to school, work and activities - you know the drill. So when we all merged at dinnertime I felt it was an occasion. I employed intentional conversation tactics. One of them was the question: What did you learn today?
     Many years ago I read Living, Loving and Learning, by Leo Buscaglia. The main story which impressed me from this truly wonderful book was his explanation of how, at the dinner table, his father would always ask Leo and his sister what they learned that day. Buscaglia's father expected a decent answer, so Leo learned to anticipate the question, and catalogue something really good during the day to relate. How perfect. So, whenever I could manage it  I would ask my sons, and anyone  at the dinner table, the question: What did you learn today?
     I would wait for an enthusiastic response, and if it was not imminent, I volunteered my own bit gleaned out of a routine which was mostly work and housecleaning. This kept me on my toes too. The learning must be meaningful, current, appropriate and memorable so they knew this was not game show trivia stuff. My boys began to get very adept at the response, giving thoughtful and unpredictable answers.  I learned so much about their lives, their perceptions, and the world of school and friends, which they otherwise carefully guarded as kids will. We had good dinner times, in an otherwise fragmented world after their Dad was taken in death when they were 11 and 5.
I feel so indebted to this concept, that I am asking you: What did you learn today?

     In an attempt at being a good role model, I will relate what I learned today.

     One of my occupations is working as an SAT tutor.  I have students whose parents dearly want them to get a high SAT score in order to have a shot at a top notch school.  Most students want this too, yet have  a different perspective than their parents.  Young people today have so much going on, and more stimulus than ever in history.  Conversely, they are somewhat insulated from the larger world's realities, simply because they are so overbooked, affluent, competitive and hungry for something, they know not what. Essay writing requires life experience, for which this generation is often challenged in that they have very little which remains unmanaged in their daily lives.

Enter the SAT, a test unlike other academic assessment tests.  It is cleverly designed to measure skills which anyone in college will need in spades: Critical thinking, grammar, skim reading, higher level vocabulary, a myriad of math skills and .... essay writing.

So, after a conference with a parent where she related her concern about whether or not her daughter's scores would reach the level for the 'best' schools, I went home and researched SAT scoring on google. The Wikipedia entry listed the following facts from the book Fooling the College Board, by Dr. Les Perelman:

"In March 2004 Dr. Les Perelman analyzed 15 scored sample essays contained in the College Board's Score Write book along with 30 other training samples and found that in over 90% of cases, that the essay's score could be predicted by counting the number of words in the essay. Dr. Perelman went on to train High School Seniors to write essays that made little sense but contained infrequently used words such as 'plethora' and 'myriad'.  All the students received scores of 10 or better, which placed the essay in the 92nd percentile or higher."

Do parents want just the results, or do they want their kids to learn real skills from the bottom up?  In a world where time and careful attention are limited by the shear amount of choice and opportunity for distraction, is it possible to teach thoughtful writing to a 'mathkid'?   Is it possible to engender altruistic feelings and empathy, as well as a desire to read non-fiction? Are 5 syllable words worth knowing, when one can certainly get by without them? ( Most news is written at a 7th grade reading level).  If you sound like you know what you're talking about, is that enough?

I want to continue tutoring for the SAT, so I must balance these dichotomies (nice SAT word), with the reality that most of my students are 16 or 17, and victims of mass media advertising and pop culture. I will balance my work with reality and hope for all my students to reach Stanford, Harvard, or any other dream they hold. I will hope that the hours spent drilling on 'big words' will foster the growth of more thoughtful adults.

For My Son, After a Job Interview

In case I never said it enough when you were little, or recently-
You are a great son.
When I think of you or speak of you I feel a surge of one of the seven deadly sins (pride)  ... because you are my kid and I've known you forever in my heart, even before you existed.  Since your Dad and I wanted you so much, it goes with out saying that your life should offer you amazing opportunities for happiness, fulfillment, and a contribution to a generally better world. (Yeah, that is me, honoring my own intention!)

I am not just doing the mom thing of going on, I mean this seriously and with every bit of my Mother heart which exists partly outside of myself in you and your brother..  I don't think I ever say enough that you  wonderful... so here I am saying it .  Now it is for you to believe it... no matter what happens in the job market.  Things will jell, they will.  Just keep positive, counting all the good things in your life to keep you afloat.
You chose a partner who is just as good as can be in your life.  Build on all the good...

and then you can tell me the same, cuz I had a down day, second guessing myself.  But I have a 6 am yoga gig tomorrow, and I am going to look them all in the eyes and smile and tell them I'm really happy to be there. Maybe I can pull a few people from the doldrums of a confusing, uncertain world.
And maybe soon, or sometime before the spirit of this land fades to a murmer, the rich leaders will stop the hemorrhaging of our Nations resources into wars and the elements of destruction, and we will have a world to build on.

Love,
mom